I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's blow job season.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
