No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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