After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
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