it was like eating out sand paper
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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