so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I could make wine with my vomit
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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