she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize