i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize