we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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