hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize