i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
