dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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