I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize