i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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