I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
