The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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