Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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