you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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