And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
no, he came in my armpit
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Randomize
