Me. At least after what I've been through.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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