when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
