im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
