i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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