I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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