were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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