there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
