Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
