Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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