My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
