did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
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