my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
