We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
