i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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