direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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