I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
