If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
