I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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