This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
