You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
