It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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