I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
jump out the window naked night went bad
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
