i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
