yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
