She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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