why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
