I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
