so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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