i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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