I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
And then the night went full on bisexual.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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