I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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