Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
