I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
