my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
