I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
