hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
