i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
