before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
farters have to be the big spoon...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
