Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
