to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
