whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
