help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
