Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
