I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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