hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm too high and old for this...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
