Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
