If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
