I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
