I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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