it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
